Score that wh*re

By Jeremy Wilson on October 4th, 2012

Warning: This article contains sexually explicit material that may be NSFW. 

People are strange. Well, when I say people, I mainly mean men. Give them enough free time and a bit of cash to splash and you’ll find weird obsessions start to germinate. Add the ability to meet like-minded souls and before you know it they’re sitting in a field next to a runway logging the registration numbers of planes, forging a sword in the garage for their next historical reenactment or knocking together a new set of shelves to host their burgeoning collection of – well, just about anything.

As bizarre as a hobby might be, once you become part of a community that shares your passion there is no limit to the extent an avocation, or even an obsession, can be explored. The bowels of the internet have become adept at facilitating these meetings of minds, allowing like-minded souls who would otherwise have gone through life alone to come together to share their peculiarities.

It should come as no surprise, then, to discover that gentlemen who have a proclivity for prostitutes have formed their own online communities. The most notorious of these, and the subject of this report, is Punternet, a site which exists to “to facilitate the exchange of information on service providers, as well as to provide an online community in which providers and clients can communicate, in order to promote better understanding and mutually enjoyable and respectful encounters”.

So let’s see. Visually, Punternet is a throwback to a golden age of function over style. There is a lively forum in which both customers and working girls engage in lively conversation: current threads include “Tears At Bedtime”, a moving discussion about moving on from the relationships formed between clients and workers, and “For The Watersports Enthusiasts”, a chance to share thoughts on and experiences of paying to be urinated on.

There is of course also a classified ads section, plus, as with like anything where a service is being purchased these days, the review section. In anorak lingo the entries are known as “field reports”. So far, 108,884 field reports have been accepted for publication by Punternet, with an average cost per visit of £129. That equates to approximately £13,980,425 spent on hookers over the lifetime of the site.

These field reports follow a variety of styles, ranging from brisk to borderline fan fiction, with the client generally taking the starring role. Here at The Kernel we didn’t think it appropriate to allow such a trove of human literary endeavour to fester in obscurity, so, after descending at length into the Punternet rabbit hole, we have re-emerged, blinking into the light, with a definitive guide to Punternet field reporting.

Speaking in tongues

Like any self-respecting clique, field report authors talk in their own code. Common abbreviations include OWO, CIM, FK and RO. (See the Glossary at the foot of this page for elucidations.) The abbreviations are generally fairly simply to decipher. With a little practice penetrating beneath the acronyms, the reports become as accessible to the layman as anything on Yelp or TripAdvisor.

Reports boast a relatively predictably architecture. Let’s kick off with a randomly selected punter’s concise description of “her place”. While this is admittedly a minor part of the review, the aspiring linguist can glean much from from opening sentences, so we share here a few typical examples.

Modern, clean flat in tall apartment block overlooking ASDA car park. Keyphone entry

she lives in one room up some stairs in an alleyway behind some shops

The PumpClub is a very nice place on Ernest Street,B1 to me it is in a safe area

Well known and safe location behind the Tesco metro in North Acton.

Next follow descriptions of the lady providing the service. These outlines follow a general theme of blunt accuracy. Think of the brief details in a concise ornithological guidebook – say, from the Observer’s Book series so popular in the sixties.

Pictures flatter her. I reckon shes 23ish. Stinks of fags. Very normal, I don’t think I’d go for her in a bar.

19 Year old english girl with longish blondish hair. Very pretty face, made up well, nail extensions, painted toes, small tits with very brown nipples. Well presented. That is the good bit . . . . She had only just had a baby and had a huge gut on her and the most amazingly horrible deep dark red stretch marks on her stomach and tits!I actually thought she was still 6 months up the duff! Hhhmm…the maid didn’t tell me that bit when I rang up!

Mature, more mature than I expected.

No where near as hot as the photos on the site. Facially, kazakh/mongolian, flat and broad faced, slightly spotty. Figure was OK, but certainly heavier than you would guess from the pictures… Russian student.

Youngish asian with older lady (mother ?). Both remained fully dressed in their normal clothes – so further details not possible

Not quite what I expected from the web site pictures but hey ho you cant win every time. A little bit overweight and unsightly scars on her tits. Not as good looking as I would hope for in an escort as I could have pulled someone as good looking myself in a club. A bit disappointed to be honest.

Rake thin and about 5’4. English born or Japanese descent with a pleasant home counties accent. Practitioners of glottal stops and dropped aitches might call her accent posh. Hair short and streaked with purple. Chatty, friendly and pleasant to be with.

Wrinkled dyed blond early 40s EE

The girl would maybe have breached the Sale of Goods act if it applied her

There’s a thin, frankly scarey looking one, and a fat, sulky one. Both unprepossessing but, hey – I thought – if these two are lesbians they don’t have to be pin-ups! What a mistake

Well …. The pictures in the website have been really airbrushed. the body is firm and tight . But the face she looks like the short chinese assasin from the old bond movie! I know some thai girls look a bit like guys, but this girl looked like him! There was no effort on make up and a spotty face.

I never realised I could find an hour having sex with two beautiful women so depressing.

I also felt they didn’t have much respect for me.

5ft. Skinny Thai. Enhanced boobs. Bit spotty. In 40s – looks younger

Blonde, 22 my guess, Tatoos, average body, not particulary pretty.

25 years old, polish, a little chubby (fine with me). Nice bottom but breasts a little small (imo). Nice face and lips.

Geographically, she is not very astute and rocket-science is not her speciality, but a pleasant enough conversationalist in any case.

Awful straw like wig. Unappealing paunch. Ugly posture. Ordinary face. Her only saving grace is that she seemed like a nice girl. [The writer of this report reported catching an std from his companion.]

About thirty, bbw, reasonably attractive face, very big and loose about the stomach and thighs.

NOT 26 as stated on her page, more like 35. Also fatter than her pics suggest. Pleasant enough attitude however.

Not at all what I expected. Not very attractive at all. I have done better myself in clubs. Not a size 8, Facial features were all small and eyes were a bit piggy. Not surprised she blurs her pictures on the site. 5 foot nothing and carrying a bit of extra weight.

The most frequent complaint in the description section is the alleged used of Photoshop. After visiting Sandy of Glasgow, one gentleman had this to say about her:

Her pics on her site have been, in my opinion hugely photo-shopped.

You can judge for yourself whether this could possibly have been the case.

Following the description come the “Comments”, a place to give a blow-by-blow account of the proceedings. Thus, completed thoroughly, reports look something like this one.

Her Place: Basement flat in a very safe, upmarket area. Very basic but clean. Not the most welcoming of places but adequate for the purpose.

Description: Nothing like her photos, tattoo on upper-arm and ankle, tummy scar, weird left eye, no make-up, unattractive face, average body

Comments: This is the first time in my life that I’ve ever felt the need to write a ‘report’ on a lady… But I feel the need, so that other guys can take my advice and avoid this lady! Read on…

Owing to a very stressful past few weeks at work, I decided to treat myself on Saturday afternoon. Not having visited a lady for a good few months, I was really looking forward to this and was horny as hell.

Nicol seemed like a nice looking lady from her photos. How wrong was I, and how deceptive her photos are…

I arrived on time at her basement flat which was basic and clean, and in a nice area.

Having visited quite a few ladies in my time (in Soho walk-ups through to high-class escorts) I have a very good feel for what constitutes a good service and attitude from the lady.

As soon as Nicol opened the door, my gut instinct told me this was not going to be a good punt. Normally there is that frisson, that spark of chemistry as the lady welcomes you into her flat with a gleam in her eye. With Nicol there was no welcome kiss or even shaking of my hand. I tried to kiss her but was brushed away. At this point I must tell you that I was immaculately groomed, wearing decent clothes and a nice eau de toillette.

She showed me into her front room where she had a Fashion TV channel showing on her telly. This was pretty strange as I’ve never been in a lady’s flat where she’s got the TV on when a client arrives. Anyway, she offered me a drink “Water?” [sic], to which I obliged. I handed over my 200 hard-earned bucks for 1.5 hours.

We sat together on the sofa, and I was starting to feel very awkward. I could sense immediately that she was a very cold and distant person – and did not want to be doing this. Her English is pretty non-existent and I really did not know how this was going to progress. I tried to make some basic conversation but was getting nowhere when she was not able to understand easy questions like “how long have you been here?”

I tried kissing her but she brushed me away to kiss her neck instead.

Nicol looked very pale, almost ill, no make-up (!?) and no perfume like I requested from the agency. She had a funny smell about her and bad breath to go with it. She is a thirty something lady with a solid frame and tummy scar. In short not a very attractive looking lady. She has a tattoo on her arm and one on her ankle. NB: this tattoo on her ankle has been edited out on the photos you see on the site – and her tummy scar has been obscured.

She also has something wrong with her left eye (lazy, crooked?) which I found very off-putting.

We progressed into the bedroom where I thought things might get better, but no. As we were standing up facing each other trying to get things going, she was facing out toward the front room WATCHING THE TV! Can you believe that? This is a definite sign of someone who has ZERO interest and a bad attitude toward her client. She was stroking my cock in a very harsh and aggressive way so the skin was hurting. I had to tell her TWICE not to do this so hard. BJ also was uninteresting, harsh (involving teeth) and un-erotic.

Progressed onto sex: her on top and then mish. This was the most unsatisfying, boring sex I have had in my life. She was very distant, no eye contact, and not the best looking of ladies. For the first time in my life, I was starting go soft mid-way through sex (!) The sex lasted maybe 10 minutes, until I just gave up. Tried to make some small talk while lying on the bed next to her, but this was near impossible.

This was an experience one would expect from a £30 Soho walk-up but NOT from a £200 agency escort! If I had pulled this lady in my local pub I would have been disappointed – but to have paid £200 for this, really upset me!

So I got changed, made my excuses that I was too stressed with “work issues” and was not able to perform.

I said a gentleman-like way that I had given her £200 for 1.5 hours, but I had only spent 35 minutes in her company – hinting at getting some of the money back. But she just said “Can’t give you anything back”. She didn’t say goodbye or show me to the door.

What is the point of Nicol even doing this work if she has no interest, but only wants to rip-off honest guys like myself?! It would save her, us guys and the agency a big headache if she got herself another job.

I left feeling terribly ripped-off, pissed-off and angry.

Called the agency as I walked back to the tube station. They seemed genuinely annoyed and in disbelief. Said I could go back to her flat to get some of the money back, and “why didn’t you call us while you were still there?” But I honestly didn’t know what the protocol is for when things go this wrong. The lady at the agency offered £50 off my next booking.

Worst punt of my life, and probably even one of the worst experiences in my life.

Guys, do yourself a favour and avoid this one like the plague… the agency definitely has far better girls on offer.

Recommended: No

Would You Return: No

Not feeling it

Many customers carefully plan their encounters, looking to fulfil a particular fantasy. The comments section gives them the opportunity to assess the extent to which their fantasy was fulfilled.

Did not abuse my ass at all which was disappointing. Both managed to piss on me which was nice but they made no attempt to keep drinking throughout the session to keep the flow available. Did not manage to shit on me. Either of them. And if that is a big part of your offer, that could be considered a failing, no?

They did call in another sub guy so that I could suck him off, which I did, but again the presentation was poor. He turned up in the room dressed, got changed whiled we waited, and joined in with his socks on. Not really creating the fantasy! They filmed us a bit which was fun.

“Sessions” can occasionally be intense, emotional experiences. Field reports can be used as a way of understanding these emotions with the benefit of hindsight – as in this gentleman’s review of his first ever “punt” with a working lady.

Went at it from behind and it was like screwing a corpse. In the end, I wrote of the experience off, caved in and let myself go. She ran straight to the bathroom and in the meantime I sat on the bed feeling horrible.

NOTE: Her lackluster performance was NOT because 1) she was tired as she told me I was her first customer for the night and she recently woke up. 2) It’s not because I’m minging as I’m a decent looking guy.

Reviews can also serve to ease the nerves for other men who might be considering engaging in transactional sex for the first time.

This was my first time doing this. I had told this to Alexia, she replied with “I dont like shy men”. I was nervous, to this end I didn’t perform to the best of my abilities, it had been a while!!!!! In my defence the fact the Alexia was chewing gum throughout didnt help, even during owo. She needed a bit of grooming (too much stuble for my liking). I got the impression she wasnt happy when i came over her body, her profile says she will do this. As this was my firs time I am putting it down to that as she is probably the right person for someone else.

It isn’t just the clients’ own feelings they seek to capture in the reports. Often the lady they are with displays emotions that the intrepid reviewer tries, with only occasional success, to make sense of. When negative emotions have been displayed, attempts are often made to fathom why that could have been the case.

During the whole punt she was just distant, uninterested and quite cold, did not performed well and did not care at all about the paying client.

flinched everytime I touched her, just got the impression she did not want to do the job.

Not cheap this place at £80 but for that amount you would expect some enthuisasm

All good so far but once we got onto sex she clearly didn’t want me to go in very deep and it didn’t really work. She was pushing quite hard to keep me shallow and although she was good on top where she had more control she showed some discomfort later on in the spoons position andn cried out ‘no’ – after which certain parts deflated very quickly and there was no more real action. We ended with a cuddle and a chat.

This young lady was very shy and did not no what to do,i took the lead and there was not response it was like shaggin a corpse.I licked her took her doggie and only slight moans from her.

Someone should inform her that a part of the job is to show some enjoyment and give some pleasure back to the punter.

No cim on offer. No gfe and no fk. We had s.x but she cover her face with her hands. Can you belive it!! She said she hated London so there you go. If you are not interested in the job then go home, dont waste my time and $$. No chat, no interaction, nothing. She said she is going home in 10 days. If you want to bang a dead fish then yes she will do the job but anything else then save your money and look eleswhere.

I made an effort to chat with her and she smiled a few times though seemed nervous and fidgety. This girl is in the wrong job, and the sooner she leaves the better it will be for her. As a bonus, she does do a bbj and it was soft, and well given, but cim is definitely not on, and at the final moment she wanked me off to completion and handed me a roll of toilet paper to clean up.

Sat on the sofa staring blankly and made absolutely no effort to speak to me. Anything I said to her, was ignored and when I asked her a few questions, she gave a tired look and asked “Vot do you vont” in a rather aggressive tone preferring instead, to fiddle about with her phone.

After I had showered we went into the bedroom. I lay down and she said “What do you want?” I suggested massage and she rubbed my shoulders for a bit. After it failed to get more interesting I turned over and she started a rather clumsy handjob. Her facial expression never varied. She loked like a collision between boredom and indifference. After a bit I tried some reverse oral to see what happened. I might as well have been licking her fridge. Nothing. Looked up. Same facial expression.

Suggested she give me oral. She did. She might as well have been eating a lollipop. I knew it was all over by now, but thought I would go for the main course. She climbed aboard and started humping. Facial expression unchanged and eyes dead. After a few minutes I was so hacked off that I FAKED an orgasm to get the whole thing over with.

most off putting was that she kept her eyes closed at all times, never smiled and made totally false moans which were very much worse than silence as they verged on the ridiculous.

declined the extras and thought to myself that a lady is meant to enjoy a bit of time spent with a tongue on her clit but this one was charging £20 for the honour – sod that for a game of soldiers!

Unfortunately, while Chloe is polite and friendly enough, she simply does not give any impression at all of wanting to do the job she’s doing. After a very basic massage, she stripped off and offered very tentative OWO. I went down on her for a while but she lay there unmoving. We moved on to sex but only in the missionary position. I was tempted to ask for doggie style but she is very pretty and I wanted to see her face. Again, she just lay there, no attempt to engage, no attempt to encourage me. I managed to cum, but it was a very desultory experience.

Only time she smiled was when I started to put my shirt back on.

I made her cum but not a word was spoken about how good it was.

I’m not sure I was Leonora’s type – and I think I unnerved her a little – she definitely wasn’t enjoying my company despite my witty repartee!

Sometimes, reviewers seem to have a hard time comprehending that their service providers have any emotions at all.

A real disappointment. I’d seen her about a year ago, right when she started escorting. Really enjoyed that encounter and so was looking forward to seeing her again. She was just not nto it – and for £500 she needed to be. Lay there passively, wouldnt kiss (despite advertising DFK) and couldnt wait to get rid of me at the end. Should have done better.

it’s been a while between bad punts so I can only blame myself for going through with this one. All the warning signs were there and I ignored them. Girl was 15 minutes late getting to the flat. Girl wasn’t the girl in the photo’s. Price was different to that quoted (extra 10 quid for the half hour). Services listed against services provided – don’t get me started as there was literally no service. No kissing at all, didn’t like me even kissing her neck. Pulled away when I tried to touch her pussy or tits, a total of about 10 seconds covered O. Tried sex but I was having trouble staying hard because I was so annoyed. Ended up with a very lacklustre hj, and just when I came she decided to vigourously shake my cock back and forth and so spray me with cum – thanks for that love. Couldn’t get dressed and out the door fast enough.

And sometimes reviewers reveal themselves to be… well, not the most delicate, or pleasant, of people.

I got her to lie on the bed and asked her to open up her legs so I could see her cunt, which was shaven, to check for any nasties!!! It was OK, so I pushed my fingers up inside her again . . this time I got all 4 inside and she did not even flinch. Slack or what!!! Her cervix was also very loose too, as I could get my finger into that too. Fucked her in missionary (she lay with her eyes closed) and left

Turning the tables

As we’ve seen, sometimes men don’t have the most wholesome attitude towards these women. It can be difficult to read some of their comments. But there are some delicious moments of schadenfreude that make the struggle worthwhile.

Evelina was very attractive, and kissed pasionatley, owo was good as well, she seemed very enthausiastic, and up for most things.

Found her very attractive with a good figure. After half an hour , she seemed to lose interest ( very suddenly ) and suggested I have a shower , bascically hinting no more was on offer. I did politely say I would like a second round, at which point she looked dissapointed, and just decided to lay there and do nothing, with her legs tightly clinched togather. I decided that I would have a shower and leave.

Intially I was overall happy, but after about a week I did start having a few problems, I went to a clinic , and they gave some anti biotics, they were not sure, at this stage, until further results what it was exactly, but suspected chlamydia. I guess everything should be done protected.

Schadenfreude becomes especially exquisite when there is someone else behind the scenes, pulling the strings.

 Andrea would allow no sexual contact between my girlfriend and her. So although we paid double for this (£220), my girlfriend was almost totally excluded.

Andrea’s sexual performance was much less than I had hoped. She seemed bored with the whole affair and never even suggested a position change. Although her pussy was tight and warm, she had to keep stopping to lube herself. I almost called a halt to the whole proceedings half way through, but only continued at my girlfriend’s urging.

Visiting a prostitute can be a bewildering experience. But field reports provide the opportunity to re-evaluate any “nagging feelings” from the encounter.

Susie was amazingly pleasant and nice person – but there was a nagging feeling in my head when I left. I was not sure if Susie had been a man at some point. This is the 2nd time I’ve had this suspicion in the past month while seeing a gal from one of these Easter European agencies. Not sure what to make of it.

Anyway this is not to slam Susie – my perception was a very nice person. But you know sometimes your instinct are telling you something. Yet its hard to know for sure. Susie may just be a mannish gal or an ex-athlete, though I asked when I was leaving and she said no, she hadn’t done any sports.

Perhaps predictably, there are moments of unintentional comic genius to be found throughout – often arising because reviewers like to think of themselves as wordsmiths.

If you don’t mind a slightly larger lady, then she could be right for you.

Beware!…poor performance and not really intersted in me…going through the motions. Most worrying saw Hep B drugs in the bathroom (i am a doctor so I know)

Claims to be a lady of 52 summers – but there have been some seriously harsh winters!

Unfortunately whilst it is her on the photos, I think they must have been taken by Stalin’s photographer.

Eventually came and she gave me some wipes to clean up. Unable to stimulate any further interest from the old chap owing to inability to communicate. Finally gave up and went to the beer festival at Earls Court instead (much more fun).

If this is what a 2-girl is like I will stick to one at a time.

Within a couple of minutes of putting down the phone, she was apparently having a strong orgasm. Or not.

Goods not as advertised. Why didn’t I turn round & leave? Probably thinking with my bollocks.

A choice of 3 ‘girls’ I won’t name all three so as not to embarrass them but really! Both well past their sell by dates, (trading standards would have a field day with the supposed ages of these old boilers) definitely mutton not lamb

Fishy smell of her pussy was quite strong, something perhaps not quite right down there. A bit off putting.

WGs should NOT ply their trade during or towards the end of their period. It’s just not on. It’s smelly, dirty and down right off putting. My other half was on the blob this week hence why I came to see this girl.

Not a good punt in fact I felt like she should have paid me… she got off loads and I didnt!

But the big problem was, her implants have apparently ruptured and are about to be replaced, so I couldn’t really handle one of her breasts at all, and the other she was obviously worried about anything other than a gentle touch.

The girls were so wooden I found myself looking around for the bottle of Cuprinol.

Sexploitation

Awareness of human trafficking and sex slavery has increased over recent years, and Punternet is keen to stress that such issues exist in a different, criminal world that has nothing to do with them. The site claims it “will never knowingly accept reports on underage sex workers or anyone who has been forced into prostitution, and will cooperate fully with the authorities in any such matters.”

Despite this, after 108,884 reports filed they have yet to find one that merited reporting to the police. While I found no obvious descriptions of illegal activity, there are enough reviews that suggest women in need, at the very least, of support from social services.

Obviously, something didn’t click so in fairness it’s perhaps worth giving her a try. But to be honest, I just got the feeling that this was a girl doing the job because she didn’t have any other choice and not making much attempt beyond fundamental professionalism to enjoy it.

She said “see it is you, wanting to throw me round the room!!”

She then. . . . Changed her mind, said “sorry had a bad day; I’ve just had 10 customers back to back” . . . . but stopped mid sentence. Continued “I’m tied and I want to go home, but ill get sacked if I don’t come to work almost crying?”

She wasn’t just uninterested, she looked so sad I thought someone had kicked her puppy. Everything that could be off limits was, and her abilities were on a par with my first girlfriend all those decades ago who had never seen a dick before.

Guys, you need to stay clear of this woman, for the sake of your wallet, but also for her sake, as she’s clearly as cut out for her chosen profession as a dolphin is for stock car racing. I even entertained the possibility that she was being coerced into her non-chosen career, and briefly considered calling an 0800 number to report possible trafficking.

Sasha was not the woman on the photo and was barely able to speak a word of English. These two factors alone would have made the experience a disappointment. But, to make matter worse, she was very mechanical throughout the session – her attitude to the massage, blow job and sex all suggested that she really did not want to be there doing what she was.

Bait and switch, pure and simple. The girl i’ve met was blonde, that’s the only resemblance with the pictures on the EternityGirls website. I’ve met an Albanian girl that clearly didn’t want to be there and wanted me out as soon as possible, her attitude changed in the moment I gave her the money, before she was all smiles and giggles then, once she got the money, she became cold and uninterested.

Role play

Among the myriad reasons for pursuing paid sexual encounters is a lust for the illicit: the thrill of an adventure. Of course, it’s no good having an adventure unless you come away with a good anecdote. And it’s no good having a good anecdote unless you can share it.

I told Angelina that I wanted her to roleplay as a schoolgirl bully, I thought she understood, especially as she said “Ok, schoolgirl, good.” However, come the actual session, it became clear that having heard the word schoolgirl, Angelina assumed I wanted her to be submissive. This led to the first ten minutes of the session being occupied by us both sitting on the bed waiting for orders from each other.

there were positive & negative aspects to this “punt”, positive-slim young attractive-good sex-able to cuddle after. negative-hairy back, bit aloof, i could not give oral (said she was sore) no covered oral received (even thogh i”d showered), on putting the condom on desperately avoided touching my uncovered cock.

I was left for a long time in the room on my own after the shower. Emma came in, looking very nice. She offered me a massage, and I accepted. That’s when things got too strange for me. She started well, paying attention to me OK, then lay across me hard, with heavy breathing in my ear. Fine, that’s quite nice. Then I realised what was going on – it seemed she had actually fallen asleep and the heavy breathing was snoring! I tried to rouse her a few times to no avail in the next few minutes. Eventually I woke her, and she rolled me over, offering OWO. Before I could argue, she had gone down on me and then fallen asleep again! This was just too much. I gently picked her up and started to get dressed to leave. I suggested she head home and get some sleep – she clearly needed it.

I was asked to strip off and sit on the sofa, then all she offered me was a hand job with her top off. She said that was all I get for £40. £40 is what was agreed on the phone for a full service. Should have known better this is the kind of scam you find in Blackpool. I went away after 10min,s and said nothing to avoid trouble.

Things got off to a bad start when she opened the door and accused me of arriving early (I was spot on time as she later admitted herself). I was then subject to an interrogation about intimate family matters, my age, my home life, whether I had children, and other things which I would consider clearly out of bounds if I were asking questions of an escort. She had that prescriptive manner that seems oddly common among EE escorts and was bent on telling me how to live my life; she bluntly instructed me that I should have children at my age.

“120 hour for 2 girls all services. No tricks no cons.Real bi and lesbian lovers”. A complete and utter con. 10 minutes in and no action, I said “Come on girls, let’s see some lesbian stuff”. The fat one replied “if we were really lesbian, we wouldn’t have sex with a man”

Coco came in, took me a while to work out she is a woman (I think). She let me touch her up but her pussy was dripping with piss so that was a turn off (to say the least). Her phone went off and she answered it (more points deductions)

I don’t know why I went ahead with this punt. My plan A wasn’t working that day, plan B wasn’t answering my calls or texts. Emma was my plan C. I’d arranged an hour’s appointment with her for 100 quid. When I saw her, I couldn’t be bothered to walk cos I really didn’t have a plan D, and she was very friendly. So I made some excuse about being short of time and changed it to 60 quid for half an hour. Paid her the money and into her shower. She joined me and we rubbed gel on each other before rinsing off and back into her bedroom. Funny bedroom, one of those with a like mezzanine floor above, just big enough for a bed and accessed by a wooden ladder. So Emma asked me if I wanted a threesome with her sister for an extra 40 quid? When I asked her where her sister was, she hollered and a couple of mins later a girl climbs down the wooden steps wearing a bra and panties but her tits hanging out of the bra..!! So I’m laying naked with Emma licking my nipple and fondling my todger, her sister (and they did both look similar) comes up gives me a continental kiss (both cheeks) and asks if I want a 3sum. I didn’t really fancy her, sagging tits but she was younger looking than Emma. I declined and stuck with Emma.

Complained that my cock was too big. I hate it when hoes say that. It’s only 7 inches & cut when standing to attention. It’s like a car mechanic saying he won’t change your oil cos he hands will get greasy. It’s bullsh*t..!!

Anyway, I was getting fed up now. Didn’t like the smell. Mixture of lube and period pussy smells…yuk. Told her I wanted to finish off in her mouth. Did it. And asked her to swallow. She complied. Asked her if sheiked the taste of my spunk. She said she didn’t. “Well, I didn’t like the smell of your pussy”, I thought but didn’t say to her.

She’s tall, and blonde, and that’s what I ordered, having been in court for over a week sitting behind a gorgeous blonde solicitor that I mentally took every which way, and now came to Bianca to fulfil the fantasy.

Was in the mood to try something different, so was offered a big lady size 18 (she was bigger than a 18) have to admit i was intrigued never had a bbw before, when Helen called me back was kind of put off with her abrasive Irish accent, but she has the patter and she’s up for anything and will do anything asked, so appointment was organised. I have to admit i considered cancelling and was close to doing this right up till she opened the door and i really wish i did take to my heals and ran. She instantly took charge, as she undressed my stomach was lurching i knew this was a mistake, i closed my eyes as she attempted to give me owo, finally gave up and asked her to turn over so i could take her from behind but she was so big this was impossible, only option was anal at extra charge. I had to keep my eyes closed and think about having sex with someone else to shag this fat walrus finished off thinking about my wife in the bath, that did the trick and that’s a first for my 10 years of punting that I’ve ever had to do this, got dressed and left, very disappointed with my first ever encounter with a large lady, I can safely say i will never be revisiting this women. Wish i had requested a photo before appointment I’m sure there are big women out there who can pull off the bbw and have the looks to work in this area but Helen is certainty not one of them , one for the bucket list though.

While it is common practice on most review sites to complain to management about poor service, it is a little difficult to do so when writing about services of a sexual nature, because it is illegal to manage prostitution. This, however, does not stop irate customers from kicking up a fuss.

The point I want to make is to you the management, why are clinets not told that ladies are inexperienced and learning the ropes?, why are we charged 100 quid for this inexperience? why are we not asked about our service?.

Perhaps you should have them shadow more experienced ladies until they are ready to go alone or chagre less money until they are ready.

Furthermore, Tina was on reception and guess what?, she never even asked how the service was, she was just not interetsed. When I arrived she was on the phone to her mates and yes when I left she was still on the phone to her mates. You would expect she would like some feedback on news girls, after all this is a customer service environment you work in.

While some rant about poor service, others are more pragmatic and take it upon themselves to give constructive criticism and offer advice for improvement.

Arrived at her place on time. She welcomed me wearing a black dress (great for a day in the office but it wasn’t doing anything for me at all). Gave her the money. Points to note:

1. “Mood music” is a great idea, but use a CD not the radio. It’s NOT a turn on having a girl suck my dick while listenting to people on Magic Radio sending best wishes to their loved ones serving in Afghanistan with the Army.

2. In a WG’s job, it’s inevitable that someone is going to want you to use a vibrator (even if you can’t predict who that person will be when they walk through the door). Anticipating this, please try to ensure that the batteries are working. Getting me “worked up” (ahem..) and then leaving me on my own for 5 minutes while you (a) look for new batteries (b) try to fit them in the right way round and (c) ultimatly give up, is piss poor.

3. No one expects DFK, but K at least would be appreciated.

4. If you want to rub your tits over me, that’s fine but don’t do it so fast, it feels like both of us will burst into flames from the friction.

Overall I felt that I was on a conveyor belt and she was certainly one of those Thai girls who wants to have as little with the client as possible. No-one becomes a WG as a career option, but if you want to get it over and done with that quickly, find another job.

Right of reply

A girl who has been reviewed has a right to respond to their reviews. Not enough of them take advantage of the opportunity.

paid the 10 pds entrance fee and was introduced to jade ,she was extremly drunk and average looks and did not look like the description i was led to believe.

personal hygiene was bad and i stayed out of politeness.

The punt was OK but did not like the fact she lied about her age and using old pictures. Wont be returning.

But sometimes they do.

in response to bi6 daves report posted 20th feb 2012 i personally would like to address this as feel comments made were very unfair and really hurtful! to start yes i had a few glasses of wine that shift and will agree due to personal circumstances 1 too many, but was by no means “extremly drunk”

I am only a size 6 and was unable accomodate this gentlemans huge cock which is why he is dissatisfied

Breaking down barriers

I interviewed the webmaster of Punternet. He told me that the site “blows up most of the misconceptions and stereotypes that the uninformed general public has formed about the sex trade”. And, on the whole, there are very few of the “crack whore” stereotypes to be found – though one does wonder what was contained in the huge number of reviews that have been rejected or deleted by the site’s moderators.

The following review was left by a concerned gentleman who didn’t want other to feed the girl’s drug habit. (His concern didn’t stop him from having sex with her, however.)

I feel really sorry for Rach (advertises as young.teen). Please don’t book her. She’s just doing this to feed her drug habit. Please don’t make my mistake and contribute to her habit, and ultimately her death.

I had my reservations about this booking. I shouldn’t have handed over the cash so quickly, and instead, got the hell out of there. But dick ruled over brain again.

The first thing I noticed was that she had a sore below her lower lip. She was also a bit unsteady on her feet; although she did day that she’d just got up, and needed a wash (which she never did!). I didn’t detect any alcohol. However, she’d been up for a few hours as we’d swapped a few texts! Alarm bells were ringing, but stupidly I handed over the cash – the total amount of which she questioned!

She offered me a drink and I asked for a glass of water. I then noticed many marks on both her arms – she is obviously a self-harmer. She then pretty much disappeared for 15 to 20 mins! She went the loo, and it sounded like she was constantly trying to light a fag. She then went into the kitchen, trying to light her fag again. She was also on the phone – but I couldn’t make out what she was saying – but money was definitely mentioned.

I eventually had to shout to her “are you ok”? After a piss, and no wash, she returned to the bedroom.

The remainder of her clothes came off, and I noticed that her skin was scabby in places, and she had loads of bust blood vessels. She had terrible varicose veins on her right leg.

I didn’t know if anyone else was in the flat, or nearby, and I didn’t want to upset her. I didn’t feel particularly safe.

First session was her on top. During this time, she nodded off from time to time, and she asked me if I could drop her off at her mum’s after!

After I came, she asked me if I wanted to come again! Well I was planning to come more than once in two hours! I should have taken this opportunity to leave, but I didn’t want to give her (or anyone else in the flat, or nearby) the impression that I was having a shit time, and that I wanted my money back, and I indeed wanted to leave. I thought I’d better stay for just one hour.

The highlight of the booking was being offered a cup of tea. I was going to need a break to somehow get blood back in my penis. Whilst having my tea, she called her druggy mates, and discussed various numbers, and money. She arranged to be picked up also.

Once she received my money, all she was interested in was figuring out what drugs she could get for it, and how quickly she could get them. That’s why she wanted a lift to her “Mum’s”, and eventually arranged to be picked up to be taken to drug central.

She also asked me to provide her with positive feedback several times. She’s desperate for the money.

An awful experience. Please AVOID this very sad lady.

It is sometimes tempting to pigeonhole the author of a field report as having a marginal personality disorder. For instance, the reviews by “chessgrandmaster” might lead you to believe he was dangerously high up the sociopathic spectrum. Here’s one of them, which reads almost as though it might be a spoof. (Connoisseurs of this genre are advised to read through the rest of his reviews.)

The effrontery of this lady was astounding and I am still bemused by the whole engagement. Having entered into the room, I went to give the lady an introductory hug, only to be pushed away rather brusquely and informed that “paper” had to be seen first. Somewhat surprised, I departed with £30 requesting normal service of oral and sex.

I unclothed and lay obediently down. Lilly then climbed onto the bed and immediately placed the condom on, without making any effort to arouse me.

I then placed my hand on her thigh and she physically flinched away from me. There is no obvious explanation for this, but I now presume that my hands may have been slightly cold. I maintain myself immaculately, dress well, clean and shave diligently before a meet, sprucing up no more than 30 minutes beforehand.

This lady then peeled my hand of her thigh and returned it to my own chest, with a “oooh” in accompaniment.

Beginning to feel slightly perturbed, I requested the commencement of the oral service. At which, she shook her head and said “you pay”. Such impertinence when I had already conducted the financial proceedings.

Some disgruntlement must have flashed across my countenance, as she then laughed at me. In all honestly, she had the hardihood to laugh at me.

So amazed was I, that I lay there utterly perplexed and ired for a few moments. During which time, she clambered on top of me, despite my obvious lack of interest, arousal and immobile state.

I beat down my emotions and focussed on attempting to make the best of a bad job. I once again, placed my hands on her breasts and this time, I was greeted with “what have you found there?”

She then wriggled, sat up and leant backwards, well out of reach.

And astonishingly, she had the utmost audaciousness to laugh again.

I ceased proceedings, quietly dressed and took my leave. She asked me as I left “not my fault?”. I agreed, as the gent that I am, that it was certainly not her fault, and departed.

Here’s another review by the same author.

This was one of the most lugubrious punts I have ever encountered, and yet, I am still undecided to whether I am the cause, or to whether I misinterpreted the whole occasion. I arrived and was shown straight in and the girl entered and negotiations were accomplished. Alina then returned and conducted an expert if somewhat perfunctory CBJ.

During this, I began to feel slightly disquietened, for as good as the service was, the girl seemed distinctly contemplative, almost with a resigned aura.

I moved things onto the main event and again, whilst performing, I attempted to engage her and bring her attention around. Varying speeds, depths or techniques had no influence and although not complaining in the slightest, it felt palpably like a violation rather than a service. This distressed me enough to cease proceedings. The girl, dare I say shamefacedly or perhaps guiltily, offered to finish things by hand. At this stage though, I felt so melancholic, that I dressed slowly and quizzed her gently about herself and her circumstances. She is not linguistically proficient and I shared no foreign language in which I could converse with her.

I may well have misread the girl or perhaps she is being forced into this prestigious industry by outside agencies. I saw no physical signs of enforcement or abuse. I am, however, very naive about such events and would be unsure to comprehend any signs, if I were to be confronted by them.

The discombobulating milieu was just too oppressive for me. I left to seek out the nearest pub.

I sincerely hope I misread things and that other punters can assure us that all seems well, but I am not being a contributing factor into somebody’s unhappiness, if that is the case. Maybe it is arrogance or pomposity on my part and I pray it is, but that skepticism was sufficient for me.

Judgment day

The most obvious charge to level against Punternet is that it commodifies women, a charge of which it is quite glaringly guilty. But what do those who are commodified by it think? Many working girls choose to utilise the field reports and link to their reviews from their own websites. Some are even active members of the forums.

On the other hand, if they don’t wish to be reviewed, Punternet will not publish any field reports. The site claims that less than a hundred girls or agencies have ever requested this. One escort told The Kernel that they asked to be put on the no-fly list because they found it degrading and clients who posted positive reviews would then demand freebies.

In terms of outright woman hating, there is relatively little to be found. This is is almost certainly due to a moderating team that has included current and former working girls. Their inclusion as moderators has provoked the ire of some men. Heaven only knows what these men would write, absent such oversight.

Glossary

CIM: cum in mouth
OWO: oral without; fellatio without a condom
RO: reverse oral; cunnilingus
FK: French kissing
DFK: Deep French kissing
EE: Eastern European
CBJ: covered blow job; fellatio with a condom
GFE: girlfriend experience
WG: working girl
Watersports: urolagnia