9 selfie rules

By Nimrod Kamer

Selfatigue, selfitigue. I am tired of Selfies. Can’t do it any longer. My arms hurt, my torso is bursting. I thought I’d never tweet about it again or send any more selfie dick pics to my ex.

But a few pundits like personal friend and Russia Today human gulag Max Keiser are just now finding out about this fad. They’re eager to define it. So I went ahead and wrote a list of Selfie obvis; ones I discovered while working on my selfie film.

1. You must lift the device yourself. Selfies are all about gravity.

2. The photographer’s hand holding the device mustn’t be visible in the frame.

3. No self-timer allowed.

4. Longer arms = wider shot.

5. Photographer isn’t in the frame = it isn’t a selfie.

6. The phone’s back camera is better quality, but be careful not to shoot the ceiling.

7. Don’t say, “Let’s take a Selfie.” It’s YOU who’s taking it. Others may join.

8. Selfies are quicker to delete since the device is already in your hand.

9. Yes, selfie journalism is a thing.