Geldof in space? Don’t be a tease!

By Milo Yiannopoulos on October 1st, 2013

I’m rather late to the party on this one, for which many apologies. But word reaches me that Bob Geldof is rubbing his hands with glee at the prospect of being one of Space Expedition Corporation’s first commercial passengers. The Corporation, in case you don’t know, is a low-profile Dutch rival to Virgin Galactic.

You do feel for his fellow passengers. Specifically, what will happen to their vomit in zero gravity when he starts banging on about how “transformative” and “inspirational” an experience it all is. Take his comments to the BBC about the flight as an example of what they have to look forward to:

“Being the first Irishman in space is not only a fantastic honour but pretty mind-blowing. The first rock astronaut space rat! Elvis may have left the building but Bob Geldof will have left the Planet! Wild! Who would have thought it possible in my lifetime.”

When Mr Geldof isn’t furiously plugging his one successful single, or organising self-congratulatory concerts that end up arming African warlords, he likes to Think Big. I am told that like his fellow Irish nitwit Bono he is a wide-eyed admirer of Elon Musk.

All of which begs the question: can’t we club together and get the pair of them the SpaceX trip of a lifetime to Mars? As you may know, we humble Earthlings can land things on Mars, but can’t yet get them back. But I’m sure with intergalactic egos the size of Geldof’s and Bono’s, that won’t present much of a problem.