10 apps with more users than Luluvise

By Margot Huysman on July 2nd, 2012

These days, most major social networks query Facebook on sign-up, login or when a user performs certain functions related to their profile data, so rich is its store of information about all of us. That’s one of the reasons the moribund MySpace still registers 4.3 million active monthly Facebook app users. Twitter records 7.6 million. Even social networking car crash Bebo still has 60,000. London-based BraveNewTalent, a company yet to release a product, has 500 users, presumably a result of internal testing.

But, according to Facebook, controversial women-only social network Luluvise has just 700 Facebook app users – down from 1,000 two months ago – despite the fact that Luluvise uses Facebook to verify the gender of every user. We asked Luluvise in May whether this figure represents the monthly active users across the entire Luluvise network, or whether it refers only to new sign-ups. At he time of writing, they had not replied to our inquiry. But according to our Facebook expert, it’s likely the entire network boasts just 700 monthly users.

“If Luluvise re-accesses Facebook to get more up-to-date details and to check your friend list each time you log in, each unique monthly user login would count as an active user of the Facebook app,” according to a prominent member of the Facebook Developer Garage network we spoke to in June. “If I’d guess, I’d say they probably do check Facebook for new friends whenever you log in. Either way, the numbers don’t look good.”

With that in mind, here are ten Facebook apps Luluvise needs to beat.

Crazy Fungus

Developer’s description: Give your friends poisonous fungus!

Monthly active unique users: 3,000

Cow Clicker

Developer’s description: You get a cow. You can click on it. In six hours, you can click it again.

Monthly active unique users: 4,000

Are You A Vampire, Witch, Werewolf Or Mermaid?

Developer’s description: Find out the true animal inside your soul.

Monthly active unique users: 2,000

Farting Beaver

Developer’s description: Farting is always funny. How many times have you wanted to make a farting competition with your friends, but your girlfriend didn’t let you? Now it’s your chance! Challenge your friends, and you will be rewarded by cool prizes every month.

Monthly active unique users: 2,000

Zombie Bears

Developer’s description: Protect you village from the zombie bear invasion!

Monthly active unique users: 3,000

La Biblia con Sheepy

Developer’s description: The sheep Bible… a gospel according to fluffy lambs.

Monthly active unique users: 2,000

Death Clock

Developer’s description: Find out your death date!

Monthly active unique users: 1,000

Monkey Balls

Developer’s description: Mix it up with some monkeys, and it’s a whole new ball game.

Monthly active unique users: 2,000

What kind of vagina or penis are you?

Developer’s description: Take the quiz to work out what kind of cock or mimsy you have!

Monthly active unique users: 10,000

Smack-A-Goth

Developer’s description: Gloriously self-explanatory. [Alas, “goth” refers to Vikings and not Marilyn Manson fans. — Ed]

Monthly active unique users: 750

Lavish praise and extensive coverage has been given to Luluvise in Glamour, the Sunday Times, the Daily Mail, VentureBeat, TechCrunch and elsewhere. But while the site has come under heavy fire from commentators, even from women and entrepreneurs who have launched similar products in the past, The Kernel agrees that it’s the market that should decide success or failure.

Let’s not forget that Luluvise has scored funding from some impressive investors. Perhaps it’s time to dial down the offence-taking, the outraged rhetoric, the mockery of Luluvise’s supposedly heavy-handed approach and comically anachronistic mannerisms and the articles outlining Luluvise’s privacy infractions and violations of Facebook’s terms and conditions, and instead judge the site according the metrics we would any other social software product.