With Etsy, BDSM has gone bespoke

By Jeremy Wilson on October 16th, 2013

This story contains sexually explicit material that may be NSFW. 

Cynics cruelly dismiss e-commerce site Etsy as little more than a plaything for bored housewives. Their analysis is unfair. Etsy is home to some of the world’s most talented artisans, providing discerning customers with high-quality niche products.

One of the niches for which the site is most well-known in specialist circles is bespoke BDSM gear. On the grounds that there is presumably nothing wrong with a bit of messing about between consenting adults. Here are twelve of the, err, “best” bondage items currently available.

Nipple Tree – Mature – Adult BDSM nipple play toy

Regular nipple clamps not quite cutting it for you? How about trying the Nipple Tree? Unfortunately the pictures demonstrating how the Nipple Tree works might be suitable for a site like Etsy, but are not something a family-friendly publication can safely reprint.

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Nipple Clamps BDSM, Geek, steam punk, dnd, gamer, cat, custom

Concerned that nipple clamps are becoming too mainstream? Reclaim BDSM from the 50 Shades crowd with these fetching RPG clamps. The seller can also make Star Trek, World of Warcraft and My Little Pony variations to order.

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Hello Kitty Human Pet Collar – Free US Shipping

Children’s cartoons and sexual submission. A marriage made in heaven!

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Custom Slapper

The Etsy artisan behind the Custom Slapper offers to create custom inlays “that leave very special marks on lovely skin”. Immortalise your signature on one and let the other half know who’s boss.

picture 4 Custom Secret Stinger Polycarbonate Cane

Is your regular cane no longer having the desired effect? This Etsy seller has the solution to your woes in the form of a polycarbonate rod with a comfy handle. Yours for $30.

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Custom dildos

Dildos need not be limited to plastic interpretations of the male phallus. This seller offers a startling array of penis alternatives that range from the Hentai Tentacle Dildo to the Screw Dildo, which the seller recommends only using with an “ample amount of water based lube”. You can even specify the type of silicon used – soft or hard.

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Diletto High Heel shoes

Dicks and heels. Why hasn’t anyone combined them before? Strutting down the street in a pair of dilettos is guaranteed to turn heads.

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HandCuffs/Restraints-Cashmere-Custom Order

Always fancied a pair of cuffs but can’t bear for anything other than the finest cashmere to caress your skin? Well, now you can be restrained in luxury while receiving a good rogering. This one is for you cashmere snobs. You know who you are.

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Glow In The Dark Rope Mace Flogger

Have you ever wanted to role-play the “chair scene” from Casino Royale? Now you can do it in the dark. Thanks Etsy.

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Reproduction 17th c. Hunting Collar

The seller assures customers that “this collar will really turn some heads at your next party”. Well, quite.

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CBT CHAIR

If you don’t know what CBT stands for… well, Google it.

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Bonds of Steel Puppy Cage BDSM Restraint Mature Submissive Dominant SM

I saw one of these in a film once and have wanted one ever since. Mine for just $1,500.

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