REPORT

Ten stories more exciting than the Twitter IPO

By Jeremy Wilson

If you were watching the news last week you’d have been forgiven for thinking that the stock market flotation of a small Valley start-up was the most significant world event since the fall of the Berlin wall.

Twitter’s IPO has been given wall-to-wall coverage by a mainstream media inexplicably keen to heap praise on the microblogging platform, which is of course yet to turn a profit.

This pantomime news coverage has been cheered on from the sidelines by feckless tech journalists jockeying to nab a talking head spot and impart their contemptible blather on the public.

But the most irksome part of the Twitter circle-jerk isn’t the laughable optimism of the press, it’s that the general public have been deprived of much more exciting stories.

Here are ten recent headlines you might have missed …

Basingstoke mum finds poo in shopping bag

Basingstoke-mum-finds-poo-in-shopping-bag

Champagne-swigging burglar jailed

Champagne-swigging-burglar-jailed

Myth, busted: Does plucking gray hairs make more grow back?

CC Some rights reserved by blmurch on Flickr

CC Some rights reserved by blmurch on Flickr

‘A Shetland invasion’ — Heavy Metal Buffet returns

_A-Shetland-invasion_-_-Heavy-Metal-Buffet-returns

Cheeky streakers caught on camera as Grimsby Town play Scunthorpe United

Cheeky-streakers-caught-on-camera-as-Grimsby-Town-play-Scunthorpe-United

Man pepper-sprays woman, steals her monkey

Man-pepper-sprays-woman,-steals-her-monkey

Mom secretly tests generic brands on her family

generic_cola_cans

Woman fired for posting picture of fiancé holding her breast

Woman-fired-for-posting-picture-of-fiance-holding-her-breast

4 charged with severing pot clinic owner’s penis

CC Some rights reserved by North Cascades National Park on Flickr

CC Some rights reserved by North Cascades National Park on Flickr

Alabama man mauled by pet deer, faces charges

CC Some rights reserved by matley0 on Flickr

CC Some rights reserved by matley0 on Flickr