REPORT

Does Middle England hate Christmas?

By Milo Yiannopoulos

SIR —
We, the inhabitants of the Grove Hill Road district, have for the last few nights found the old adage quite true, ‘There is no rest for the wicked,’ for the nuisance to which we are subject every Christmas, has this year become intolerable. Soon after our front and back doors are pestered with bands of children ‘carol singing’, who, if we do not open to them, commit nuisances.
On Tuesday we had added to this a party of ‘grown-ups’ at it. They infested our district until 10 o’clock, and for an hour and a half we had the screeching of a horrible voice in particular. It haunts us still.
— EXHAUSTED PATIENCE, December 18th, 1903

Nigel Cawthorne’s Outraged of Tunbridge Wells is published by Gibson Square, £9.99
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SIR —
Might I […] suggest that, were traders to provoke the Christmas rush about the beginning of December instead of some time in October, Christmas would be less of a shopkeeper’s gala.
— CONSTANT SHOPPER, June 16th, 1954

SIR —
I do not usually air my grievances by writing letters to papers, but talking to family and friends over Christmas, I have found they shared my opinions. Would local traders care to answer the following complaint from an innocent shopper? Why, even if one shops reasonably early – say a week before Christmas – is one so frequently told: ‘No, we did have some, but there’s been such a run on them.’ Can’t they order any more?
I fear the answer may be that this is all a symptom of the lack of drive which traders are only too ready to denounce when they are enjoying their tirades about the slackness of ‘the workers’.
— PUZZLED, January 6th, 1954

SIR —
I feel that the letter by ‘Puzzled’ calls for a reply … I would suggest that November is ‘reasonably early’ to shop, and those who do so are not so likely to be disappointed.
— H. WHITE, January 13th, 1954

SIR —
There will be many soldiers and sailors home for Christmas. May I plead with your readers to refrain from tempting these fine men to drink by ‘treating’ them? I heard Vice-Admiral King-Hale say, with pride, that 35 per cent of our Navy are total abstainers, and it is said that 52,000 British soldiers are pledged abstainers. But it is a sad fact that many a service man who had been true to colours the whole year through, falls before the temptation of the cruel ‘treating’ custom when on furlough.
It is a wicked thing to tempt an man to drink. Who knows where it may end?
— E.E.H., December 21st, 1910