REPORT

Teach your grandma to twerk this Christmas

By Jeremy Wilson

We all long for quality family time at Christmas, but after the gifts have been unwrapped and dinner eaten, the inter-generational bliss we seek is rarely found. Board games, festive television reruns and, most dreaded of all, charades are usually resorted to – but they rarely bring any joy. Here at The Kernel we believe in the virtue of well-spent time with loved ones and with that in mind, we’ve created a guide for teaching your Grandma to twerk.

Hands on the hips and bend the knees

001

To ease granny into things, get her feeling comfortable with the basic twerk stance. Get her to stand with feet apart and bend the knees. She might struggle at first, but with both moral and physical support she’ll get the hang of it.

Squat

002

Twerking is all about a low center of gravity. Grandma needs to get down low if she wants to get that booty shaking. It’s time to see if the decades of taking cod liver oil have paid off.

Press on the back of the hips and push them forward

003

With the basics in place, you can get the twerk rolling. Granny needs to start by moving her hips forward. Help to encourage her hips in the right direction by getting her to repeatedly push on her butt with her thumbs. That’s the basic forward twerk nailed.

Reverse the move and pull the hips backwards

004

Time for the backwards twerk, grandma needs to pull back on her hips with her fingers. Start off slowly and build up speed. Once she gets the hang of it, it’ll be as easy as riding a Zimmer frame.

Lift those hands up

005

With the basics nailed, it’s time to move onto the advanced stuff. In the twerking world, hands are to hips what stablisers are to bikes. Gently coax grandma’s hands into the air and get her to repeat the previous actions unaided.

Put hands on knees

006

If granny finds the previous move too tricky, she can place her hands on her knees. But don’t let her cheat by resting her elbows on the knees as well. You must be firm about this.

Arch the back and lift the ass

007

By now, granny should really be getting the hang of things. To twerk properly she just needs to arch her back. A little arch goes a long way to elevating the backside.

Ride that twerk

009

That’s the basics mastered. As granny gains in confidence, she should be encouraged to get a little creative and make the twerk her own. Some classic horse riding action always goes down well with beginners looking to up their twerking game.

Remember, take things slow and give granny’s joints time to warm up. If you followed the steps correctly the result should look something like this.