How to beat the guest lists

By Nimrod Kamer

Negotiating with the person that controls the guest list is always more rewarding than being in the event. Inside, you cannot really make an impression sometimes, especially if it’s a discotheque. Outside, however, everybody will listen to you discuss your issues with the doormen and with guest list attendants. You’ll be able to express your aloofness and indulge, while holding other people in the queue for longer, which means even more indulging for them. This whole attitude is the only way to beat guest lists and get ahead in life and into shindigs you were uninvited from.

Here are the obvs ways:

1. Search Twitter 5 hours prior for the venue’s name, see who’s going, mention their name at the door, get in. When actual guest-listed people arrive, they’ll get in anyway since it’s them. Win-win.

2. Say you’re a journalist on an off-the-record, off-the-cuff visit.

3. Show a Photoshopped screengrab of your 200K followed Twitter.

4. Walk in backwards so that the list person cannot see your face.

5. Show the rejected invite request that you received via mail, pretending not to have noticed the subject.

6. Follow a celeb inside, talk softly behind them as if you know each other.

7. Enter coatless via the smoking zone.

8. Say your mate is Banksy (artist). Put a mask on someone you know and insist it’s him.

9. Say you’re the plus one (or minus 1, to elude) of someone who you know is inside.

10. Change the topic, stop talking about the list until you must, then just nod when asked things.

11. Say you’re the DJ and confirm when asked whether you are them.

12. Assume you met everyone previously in “Fashion Week”.

13. Let the door person talk to someone on your mobile.

14. Show them your long-johns.