20 March – 19 April
On a Wednesday, you will receive news from foreign shores. Don’t be tempted to hop on that plane, because running away never solves anything. Look to the splinter in your own eye before you criticise the mote in another’s. Destiny is Vining a celebrity.
19 April – 20 May
The winds of change are blowing strongly this week. Don’t be alarmed: you’ve been resting on your laurels for too long now and it’s time to be brave and take that leap. Destiny is filing for an IPO.
20 May – 21 June
On Thursday, you will learn of an inappropriate sexual fantasy someone close to you has been subtweeting. Try to act maturely, because if you don’t, things could get sticky. Destiny is switching off her webcam.
21 June – 22 July
The coming week will be dangerous. You will be presented with a number of tantalising opportunities. If you know what’s good for you, you’ll hold fast and stay put. Beware of Tinder sluts and women in wigs. Destiny is letting her belt out a notch.
22 July – 22 August
You’ll hear via a social network that someone you’ve loved for a very long time will suddenly become available this week. Go for it. This is the last chance you’ll ever get to nab them and build the life you’ve always wanted. Destiny is stopping at a motorway service station.
22 August – 22 September
For some time now you’ve felt chained, restricted, hemmed in… but things are about to change. Starting on Monday, you’ll be given more leeway at work, and at home. But be careful that it doesn’t become the rope with which you hang yourself. Freedom isn’t free, even on new MySpace. Destiny is polishing a brass door knocker.
22 September – 23 October
Don’t be offended on Friday when a work colleague fails to recognise your artistic genius. Try to remember that not everyone has your natural gifts, and the kind response is to let them down gently. Watch out this week for men in blue. Destiny is mulling over investment opportunities.
23 October – 22 November
A new financial opportunity will have you wondering if you’re on the right track. Don’t be seduced by short-term gains: instead, keep your eyes on the prize and stay the course. Short-term thinking will lead to disaster. Destiny is tracing the letter Q.
22 November – 21 December
Your lack of judgement on Vine last week is still having repercussions. You can bring an end to these consequences by sitting down with the wronged parties and confessing to your misdeeds. Humility can be painful but it is the right thing to do. Destiny is licking a second-class stamp.
21 December – 20 January
Someone close to you is recovering from a DM fail. That will be cause for joy. But be warned, she has not been honest with you about the reputational damage she suffered. Make use of the time you have left together. Destiny is dancing with wild abandon.
20 January – 18 February
Waspish words from someone you respect will remind you on Wednesday of an obligation you have been neglecting. Get your house in order or it may store up trouble for the future: girls don’t make passes at boys with incomplete profiles. Destiny has her hand on a dimmer switch.
18 February – 20 March
This week you’ll be tempted to Frontback everything, but beware, there are two sides to every coin. What looks like harmless fun today will look desperately incriminating tomorrow. Destiny is cross-grading her edition of Microsoft Office.