The week ahead, #2

By Petra Papadopoulos on September 13th, 2013

Aries

20 March – 19 April

Aries.svgOn a Wednesday, you will receive news from foreign shores. Don’t be tempted to hop on that plane, because running away never solves anything. Look to the splinter in your own eye before you criticise the mote in another’s. Destiny is Vining a celebrity.

Taurus

19 April – 20 May

225px-Taurus.svgThe winds of change are blowing strongly this week. Don’t be alarmed: you’ve been resting on your laurels for too long now and it’s time to be brave and take that leap. Destiny is filing for an IPO.

Gemini

20 May – 21 June

Gemini.svgOn Thursday, you will learn of an inappropriate sexual fantasy someone close to you has been subtweeting. Try to act maturely, because if you don’t, things could get sticky. Destiny is switching off her webcam.

Cancer

21 June – 22 July

Cancer.svgThe coming week will be dangerous. You will be presented with a number of tantalising opportunities. If you know what’s good for you, you’ll hold fast and stay put. Beware of Tinder sluts and women in wigs. Destiny is letting her belt out a notch.

Leo

22 July – 22 August

Leo.svgYou’ll hear via a social network that someone you’ve loved for a very long time will suddenly become available this week. Go for it. This is the last chance you’ll ever get to nab them and build the life you’ve always wanted. Destiny is stopping at a motorway service station.

Virgo

22 August – 22 September

Virgo.svgFor some time now you’ve felt chained, restricted, hemmed in… but things are about to change. Starting on Monday, you’ll be given more leeway at work, and at home. But be careful that it doesn’t become the rope with which you hang yourself. Freedom isn’t free, even on new MySpace. Destiny is polishing a brass door knocker.

Libra

22 September – 23 October

Libra.svgDon’t be offended on Friday when a work colleague fails to recognise your artistic genius. Try to remember that not everyone has your natural gifts, and the kind response is to let them down gently. Watch out this week for men in blue. Destiny is mulling over investment opportunities.

Scorpio

23 October – 22 November

Scorpio.svgA new financial opportunity will have you wondering if you’re on the right track. Don’t be seduced by short-term gains: instead, keep your eyes on the prize and stay the course. Short-term thinking will lead to disaster. Destiny is tracing the letter Q.

Sagittarius

22 November – 21 December

Sagittarius.svgYour lack of judgement on Vine last week is still having repercussions. You can bring an end to these consequences by sitting down with the wronged parties and confessing to your misdeeds. Humility can be painful but it is the right thing to do. Destiny is licking a second-class stamp.

Capricorn

21 December – 20 January

Capricorn.svgSomeone close to you is recovering from a DM fail. That will be cause for joy. But be warned, she has not been honest with you about the reputational damage she suffered. Make use of the time you have left together. Destiny is dancing with wild abandon.

Aquarius

20 January – 18 February

Aquarius.svgWaspish words from someone you respect will remind you on Wednesday of an obligation you have been neglecting. Get your house in order or it may store up trouble for the future: girls don’t make passes at boys with incomplete profiles. Destiny has her hand on a dimmer switch.

Pisces

18 February – 20 March

Pisces.svgThis week you’ll be tempted to Frontback everything, but beware, there are two sides to every coin. What looks like harmless fun today will look desperately incriminating tomorrow. Destiny is cross-grading her edition of Microsoft Office.