HOROSCOPES

The week ahead, #9

By Petra Papadopoulos

Aries

20 March – 19 April

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The time for romance is upon you. If you are single you will meet an alluring suitor who exudes confidence and an air of danger. Don’t be afraid to let the sparks fly, it’s time to free yourself from the shackles of caution and let true love take over. Destiny is booking a red letter day.

Taurus

19 April – 20 May

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Forget waiting till the new year to get in shape; there is no better time for fighting the flab than the present. When you look good, you feel good. And when you feel good the tasks that currently feel insurmountable will suddenly appear somewhat surmountable. Destiny is reactivating her gym membership.

Gemini

20 May – 21 June

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The stars have aligned, it’s finally time to pursue that childhood dream. Lean on your close friends to relieve you of some responsibilities and give yourself space to make shit real – it’s time they paid you back for your diligent friendship. You could make yourself a tidy profit reselling vintage comic books on eBay. Destiny is reading business management books.

Cancer

21 June – 22 July

Cancer.svgWhether it’s a $5 scratchcard winning or an unexpected rebate from the tax man, you are due a cash windfall this week. You must resist the temptation to splash on frivolous pursuits, now is finally the time to start planning for your future. Don’t believe those who say there’s no future in Airbnb holiday rentals. Destiny is checking out of a quaint cottage in Scotland.

Leo

22 July – 22 August

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Your strenuous years of making the correct moral choices will pay off – you are about to be put in a position of authority. Perhaps it’s time to discover your inner demons and unleash some pent of malevolence on those who’ve been taking advantage of your good nature. There’s never been a better time for self indulgence. Destiny is sexting the secretary.

Virgo

22 August – 22 September

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You’re the type of person who takes responsibility for their actions. Now would be the best time to seek a career change that takes advantage of this quality. You impress customers with calm poise and earnest disposition – perhaps you should look for job in telesales. Don’t worry about working on commission, if you don’t believe in your natural gist for selling double glazing, who will? Destiny is hardselling pet insurance.

 

Libra

22 September – 23 October

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The fact that you’ve been thinking about relocating and spend time daily looking around that quaint suburb on Google Street View isn’t a coincidence. There will be no better time to start putting down roots somewhere new. Move fast and take the plunge, you favourable financial position won’t last forever. Moving is stressful, so why not take the edge of things by rediscovering an old hobby? Perhaps linedancing or whittling novelty massage devices. Destiny is putting all her money on red.

 

Scorpio

23 October – 22 November

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You’re a proud person and your determination to be self sufficient is admirable, but when a generous benefactor offers you support this week, you should accept their help graciously. You will find relying on others refreshing, try not to get too carried away but feel free to accept more assistance from others than in the past. Destiny is signing onto the dole.

Sagittarius

22 November – 21 December

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Your gregarious nature is once again ploughing a furrow towards new love. A shy graphic designer is drawn towards your bubbly spirit but their reserved nature is keeping them from asking you out. Make the first move. Ask them round to help you with something, suggest you grab a bite to eat and inform them that it was a date after the fact. The rest will follow. Destiny is putting on a low cut top.

Capricorn

21 December – 20 January

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An opportunity to pursue your dream field of study is about to arise. As tempting as this might be, you must resist the temptation to sign away more of your life to education. It’s time to put aside the theory and jump into the practical nature of everyday living. Why not check out some lifehacking listicles and find a better way of brushing your teeth before embarking on more further education. Destiny is discovering the magical properties of vinegar.

Aquarius

20 January – 18 February

Aquarius.svgIf you continue with your lethargic approach to life for much longer, you could shortly run into some serious issues. To rectify things you must take control immediately. If you don’t have a hobby, find one. If don’t exercise, buy a treadmill. And if you have facial hair, shave it off. It’s time to turn over a new leaf. Destiny is getting a Brazilian.

 

Pisces

18 February – 20 March

Pisces.svgArt and design are not your strong points, but it’s time to do something about the bare walls in your home. Buying art for the first time can be daunting but if you follow one simple rule, you can’t go wrong: follow your heart. The watercolour section of eBay is a good place to start – but do avoid acrylics. Before you know it, you’ll be enriching both your soul and your home. Destiny is buying it now.

FOR YOUR OWN PERSONALISED READING, WRITE TO PETRA WITH YOUR NAME, GENDER AND EXACT TIME AND PLACE OF BIRTH. PETRA RESPONDS TO EVERY EMAIL SHE RECEIVES.