10 signs the Tech City bubble has burst

By Milo Yiannopoulos on March 21st, 2012

1. The Tech City Investment Organisation took to the stage on Monday and admitted that they are hopeless at PR, map-making, websites and just about everything else. We think the quango is about to be shut down, partly because its daddy, Rohan Silva, is leaving Government.

2. Commercial and residential rents are getting so high that start-ups are now leaving east London… for Covent Garden.

3. Tech start-up founders are now indistinguishable from douchebag graphic designer hipsters. In many cases, they are the same people.

4. The Kernel is receiving acquisition offers.

5. No one has secured a table at Nightjar since December 2011.

6. The number of inter-start-up one night stands has reached such epic proportions that even we’re bored of reporting on them.

7. Mike Butcher’s recently leaked tax returns show a seven-figure payment with the reference FROMUKTIWITHLUV and he was recently spotted browsing the private islands catalogue at Harrods Estates.

8. TechHub has given up trying to be a solvent business and is turning into Google’s bitch by moving into Campus London. (If their rental agreement is anything like Seedcamp’s, they won’t actually be paying a penny for space in the Mountain View behemoth’s new Shoreditch premises.)

9. Last night, at the launch party for said co-working space, someone threw a full glass of red wine over a journalist.

10. At the same event, which featured a lavish lab-styled bar and what looked like an enormous pile of coke, Google launched a rocket into the sky from the building’s central atrium. Yes, that’s right. A fucking rocket.